I have many friends who are happily dating semi-wonderful guys, and their whole attitude on the relationship is very carefree. But I can't be carefree, because all those verses in Hosea about the prostitute leaving the prophet Hosea again and again to return to previous lovers and a life of slavery, practically are branded permanently into my mind. And when I think of those verses, it's not the prostitute who is leaving Hosea, no, it's me leaving God for empty things and people. But why? I whine in my selfishness. Why can't I overlook those verses like so many people I know and they not have the affect on me that they do?
I can't comprehend why Jesus wants all of my love when I am so reluctant to give it! It's ridiculous, it...it doesn't make sense. So I'm just going to leave it alone and do my own thing and everything will be OK, because he loves me and is forgiving. And then he literally smacks me in the face with Matthew 8:19-22, in which Jesus tells two potential disciples that in order to follow him they have to drop everything, be willing to not live anywhere, and not even attend their own father's funeral. And then there's Matthew 16:24-26 "Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'Those who want to come with me must say no to the things they want, pick up their crosses, and follow me. Those who want to save their lives will lose them. But those who lose their lives for me will find them. What good will it do for people to win the whole world and lose their lives? Or what will a person give in exchange for me?"'
And I read that, and I get all excited and passionate about completely selling it out for Christ; until he points out something in my life and says, "Now, give that up. Just be consumed with me." And the whining and questioning begins all over again.
I just can't understand why he wants to much...of me. Until I remember, oh wait, he wants me because he loves me; and he knows that other people and objects will not satisfy me, or even make me happy. So that's why he wants all of me, because nothing else will do.